Telling It as It Is

I've learned a lot from high school, but one lesson I thought was interesting that I've only recently realized was the value in telling things as they are.

When I put it that way, it sounds like this is an admonishment against gossip. It is not. It's more about no longer feeling the burden to filter my thoughts and words to fit a certain image I hold of myself, or aspire to have of myself.

I've always overthought everything, which leads me to having a lot of different opinions on varied topics. So, when I express these opinions — either by running them over in my head or talking about it aloud — I feel some kind of need to tell only a certain side of these thoughts. In my head, I justified this because if I tried to express all the angles with which I saw something, I'd confuse myself. It's easier to prescribe to a single belief, instead of many, because the narrative/storyline/character arc I've crafted for myself in my head would feel more linear, and thus, easier to digest.

However, this always felt really restrictive and it was worsened by the fact that I'd convinced myself that thinking in this way was some kind of necessity. Recently, I realized that this mode of thinking was pointless and entirely self-imposed. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was for me because it dictated a lot of the beliefs I had about life, and myself.

Now, I've realized that life is more interesting when you don't restrict yourself to holding two opposing views on something or trying to mold your thoughts to fit a certain narrative, and owning that perplexity. It still makes me confused, but it feels more real.